Happy Birthday Logan

Tomorrow is Logan's 8th birthday. It seems crazy to me that it has been that long, but at the same time it's like it all happened in a blink of an eye. My memories of those few precious days are very distant, but the feelings rush and flood into the foreground of my life so very often. It's like I'm watching myself from a distance-maybe on a movie screen- I watch the whole thing unfold as if it's not me I'm watching. My brain has "trained" itself to not always think of him..gloss over the reality of it all. I miss him, but I am still confident in my actions and choices. I think of him most often around his birthday; sometimes I will write him a letter, sometimes I don't. He has been in my thoughts more and more these days. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's because I have children of my own now and the worries and wishes and "mom-isms" are the most prevalent. Part of me worries and wonders about him--is he really okay? The other parts of me know that he parents love him, and hug him and kiss him and laugh at his jokes...and I know I shouldn't worry, but those thoughts still creep up now and again. Until we meet again Logan, please remember I love you and you have that piece of my heart and it's always going to be yours.
Logan Joshua (July 2004).
Just over 3 years old and one
last photos I received of him.